Finding Me: A Decade of Darkness, a Life Reclaimed by Michelle Knight with Michelle Buford

On May 6, 2013, it was all over the news: the recovery of three kidnapped women, held in captivity by an Ohio man for over ten years. Michelle Knight, the first of the kidnapped victims, has come forward with the help of writer Michelle Buford to tell her side of the hellish experience she was forced to endure. A tale of darkness, Michelle relates her struggles that started from long before she was kidnapped. 

As so often happens for me when I read memoirs, I always can't help but wonder how much is really true, how much shifts in the telling, what is lost and gained. From what I've come to understand of life and storytelling, even the purest intentions can lead astray because no one view is ever truly objective. Sometimes with a good memoir, I forget these questions, the story well written enough to keep me going, real or not real. This was not one of those stories. 

Though I was pulled through the story in an overall engrossing 'can't turn away from something grossly disturbing' sort of way, there were parts of it that were hard for me to swallow. Not to do with anything factually present or not, but more in relation to the writing of the prose and delivery of the story. The story is written as if it is happening in real time, though thankfully in past tense. Still, throughout much of the writing there is a lot of direct quoting as well as pinpoint detail on things already described earlier on as memories that had all 'blurred together'. For me, this sort of attempt at narration pulls me more out of the story than into it, because I often get caught up arguing in my head about whether or not one could actually remember something in so minute a detail. However, I do believe that what Michelle Knight, Gina DeJesus, and Amanda Berry went through was horrific enough to be imprinted on their minds forever. I'm not in any way trying to silence or disregard the story or this woman's words. My bone to pick is simply with the narrative style. 

Another thing to do with the writing that I still don't know how I feel about is the amateur style of the narrative. It is obvious that this story might not have become a best seller were it not for the nature of the memoir and the news blast that came from it. It at once bugged me, and yet also made me feel like the story was more authentic. After all, Knight states over and over that she barely got through a few years of high school. It would stand to reason that she would still be incredibly behind on grammar and other writing techniques once she began to try and write down her experience.

All in all the book is poignant and hard to read. Given the nature of her descriptions, coupled with the style, I don't think I'd recommend it, but I will say that it has continued to stick with me long after I finished.

A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugard

This review is a little different from my usual pieces because I rarely read non-fiction. However this gripping book was too good to put down or pass up.

I rate this memoir 4.5 out of 5.

A Stolen Life details Jacyee Dugard’s harrowing experience as a kidnap victim who is forced to live in the backyard of her abductor for the next eighteen years of her life, suffering horrible neglect and sexual and mental abuse.  In those years she bears two daughters to her rapist, and grows from an eleven year old child into an adult, always striving to look for hope and a future for herself and then her children. Years of her life are taken away, but this is a novel about a woman who refuses to give up.

Written in first person present tense the narration is bare and revealing. Little to nothing is left out in the revelations of what she goes through.  Besides the passages detailing her imprisonment there are frequent reflections done in the point of view of the present day woman. In these moments she talks about the experience with some critical distance and goes on to explain parts of the story that might not be immediately presented by her younger self. Part of the novel also includes diary entries that she made as a young woman, a heartbreaking collection of entries that show a beautiful soul becoming more and more desperate with each new day.

This novel is not for the faint of heart or easily upset. The descriptions of her sexual abuse as a child are graphic, pornographic, and unapologetic. Jaycee is sharing her life with the world if the people are willing to read, but she had to live through such distress and she refuses to hide or protect the man and woman who stole her childhood and so much more.  It is a life story that is deeply sad and disturbing with a surprising amount of healing in the resolution. The bravery it took to write of such an experience with such openness and then go on to live a life after, well it is something to be admired.  

As a reader I have to admit I was greatly disturbed by what I read, but I couldn’t stop reading. I finished the book in a few days and almost felt bad about reading something such as this so avidly. But it wasn’t the abuse that grips you tight and keeps you glued to the page. It is Jaycee. It is her amazing mind and her endless hopes and dreams. Through the whole thing I was rooting for her, feeling for her, and waiting for her to be saved.

Almost everyone has heard about her story when she was saved and her face and life were plastered all over the news for weeks. Even now a google search will come up with so many hits on her name and story. However, to really see things, to know what she went through and to fully understand the unflagging perseverance of the human spirit, one must read her book.

Jacyee Lee Dugard, you are an inspiration to us all.

By, Alissa Tsaparikos