For the proest voters I offended - hear me out.

I'd like to start things out with a bit of a preface on me. For anyone who does not know me I'm a very headstrong woman who is not afraid to voice my thoughts and opinions. I'm also stubborn and have a really hard time backing down once I've gotten riled. That being said, I'd like to say that I can admit when I'm wrong.

At the peak of election night I re-posted and added to a post needling third-party voters about the protest votes. This post upset some people and by the next day there was a very heated argument and tears on both sides, in a way that only Facebook seems to feed up best. I generally stand by my opinions, but in that moment when I stood over my phone, I realized something that made me feel even more sick than I did over this election debacle. I was helping the chaos spread just as much as every racist bigot who came out of the woodwork and showed their true colors. I still stand by my opinions. I have yet to see or believe that the protest vote is the right way to go about things. However, in my approach I didn't focus on the real problems we are facing - but instead attacked those who, like me, are trying to make a difference. In these moments after the election I feel like it will make or break our country. I've seen a lot of people arguing and dividing, people hiding behind their doors refusing to believe reality. But none of this is going to make things any better, it's only going to make it worse. So much worse. We are stronger together, and we are going to need every single one of us who stands on the side of justice and equality to fight in whatever way we can to keep this country's head above water. This means figuring out the real enemy - racism, sexism, xenophobia - and standing united against it.

Things need to change and though there are a lot of different views on how this can get done, we need to stick together to make it work. So for those of you who I upset, am I ashamed of my opinions? No. Am I ashamed that I divided those of us who can be allies in this, blamed the wrong people, and acted in an inflammatory fashion that was beneath me? Yes. I'm not going to take all the blame for everyone's actions, but I know when I have something to apologize for. So this is me apoligising not only because I don't revel in hurting those I care about - really hurting anyone at all, but because I want to make positive change in the world, not negative.

Everyone who made a choice did so for their own reasons and I respect that. We have freedom of choice for a reason. What I fight against are those who wish to use their freedom of choice to take away the freedom of others or further trample and abuse minority people. If anyone else feels like that I believe we should be on the same side regardless of who we voted for.

Our system in America is really messed up. Our government, the politics, and our politicians are really messed up. It is up to us to work each day to make that change. While I believe that it was the wrong time to push the protest vote, I understand what these voters were working for. I get their motives and even agree with what they want the final outcome to be. Yes I was angry, I'm still angry. I feel like there could have been better times ahead for the protest vote to have more heft. However what's done is done and I really have enough people to fight against at this point. It was wrong of me to blame them for the full fallout in the way I did, even if I had my reasons.

So though I don't roll over and submit to people, give up my opinion easily in the face of adversity, or let any one silence me, I can admit when I'm wrong.

Standing together is more important than my opinion on a protest vote. And standing with those I care about can be more important than my opinion. So I hope that maybe more of us can stand together and not let this thing divide us when we need each other, need love, and need hope, more than ever.

Let me tell you a story

I have a friend, the kind of person you wish wasn’t in your life. You know the type: someone who’s been in your life for as long as you remember, but not in the good way. Instead of hours of childhood bliss spent wiling away the hours you’re still able to kill, there is no giggling fun and lighthearted dream spinning. Instead all you ever remember is every bad thing this person said or did to you, how shitty they made you feel, and how mad they still make you.

For the sake of this story let’s call my friend Debs. I don’t know why I keep letting Debs come around. She’s dead weight and I should tell her to hit the road. Still she comes around and I can’t say no. I let her come in and I listen – to everything. She tells me how incompetent I am. I can’t do my job, not at all – according to her. I won’t accomplish my dreams, so why try. When Debs comes to stay she takes a perverse pleasure in wrestling me down and making me realize that I’m empty. She won’t listen either, not about my loving husband, my good job, the wonderful house I live in. She shakes her head, disregards everything I have that’s beautiful and wonderful in my life. Then she tells me I’m empty. That I have nothing. That I am nothing. And there’s no point in even trying to change any of it because I am a pretty useless mediocre person. When she says all this, I nod slowly. I can feel the way my stomach dips, the sinking hopelessness in my middle where there should be something to hold onto, something to make me feel real.

The worst part about Debs, is I feel like I can’t really tell anyone about her. A guilt looms over me whenever I see the very things I tried to show Debs so futilely moments ago. How can I complain when I have so much? How can I be such a horrible person to dare to be unhappy when so many more have it worse?

In these moments I’m so sure that Debs is right – about everything. I can feel myself sinking into a nothingness I almost embrace. It isn’t until much later that I realize something very important. Debs is a cunt. That’s right, I said it. She’s a self-serving bitch who takes advantage of my every insecurity and I seriously need to throw her out on her ass.

Now I’m going to tell you something else. Debs isn’t a real person. I made her up. But she is very real to me because she lives inside me. Debs is my depression. She makes me feel horrible, alone, useless, worthless. It takes a lot of time, practice, and love from those around me before I can tell Debs to fuck off.

For those of you who have your own Debs, you are not alone. And though your depression might make you feel ashamed, don’t believe that bitch. Depression isn’t something you should be ashamed of. Every life is fit for the person who lives it, every good and bad thing unique to that person. We are allowed to feel pain, and let others know and understand it. As much as I’d love to say that this is a success story, where I tell depression to tuck and roll as I kick her out of a moving car – I’m not going to be a liar. Depression will probably always be a part of me, waiting to prey on me when I least expect or want it. Maybe it’s a part of my brain chemistry – or maybe it’s just me. But I won’t let depression win – and I hope neither will you.

Maybe this bad friend has come to visit you lately so I want you to know a few things. You are loved. You have a lot going for you. Depression is a dirty lying whore. But most of all, it’s okay to be upset, to be sad, and to let people know. I hope you can tell your depression to fuck off soon.

So here goes everything – fuck off Debs. *slams door*

An employee, a student, a writer, and an engaged woman walk into a bar...

This is kind of what my life has been lately. I know that there are many others who juggle this kind of crazy and more, so I'm not going to complain. Okay...maybe a little bit. Maybe a lot. I'm not saying my life is a joke either, but in the quiet moments left to myself I might be laughing slightly hysterically.

I guess it's no news that a full-time job, a master's class, and a fiance can take up a lot of a persons time. My blogging, and even worse, my writing has fallen to the wayside. It's a bad feeling, one I knew all too well during my time earning my Bachelors. I had to put aside what I loved doing in favor of earning a degree. It's not exactly the same situation, but it might as well be.

Okay, complaining segment done, on to the promises I may or may not keep! I am going to update more, a lot more. I'm behind two book reviews, something I plan to change in the next few moments, and I am about two weeks behind on editing my novel.

I can do this! Probably. By giving up sleep...

Who needs sleep right?

Anyway, to all you out there wearing twenty hats and teetering on the edge of crazy, you're awesome. Anyone have special ways of handling the pandemonium?

Comic-Con for the Writing Nerd: A Midwest Writers Workshop Experience

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It's that time of year again, where everyone who is any one gathers in force in San Diego for the Comic-Con to beat all Cons. There are panels and celebrities and interviews and cosplay, a play ground landscape that could fuel even the nerdiest wet dream. Now dial this back a bit, swap tenth doctor and deadpool cosplays for business casual slacks and dress shirts, instead of celebrities there are authors and agents, and everywhere you look are writers. This, my writer comrades, is the beauty of a writers conference.

Last weekend, I was part of an intense three day writing conference at the Midwest Writers Workshop in Muncie Indiana. This was my first writers conference experience, and going in I really didn't know what to expect. From 8 in the morning to past 8 at night, myself and a little over two hundred other writers got together and experienced something that was for writers, by writers, about writing and it was exhilarating, inspiring, and exhausting. Last year when I participated in NaNoWriMo for the first time, I said that it made me really feel like a writer for the first time, despite going for a four year degree in creative writing. Suddenly I was generating fiction and it was amazing. When I walked out of the MWW14, I didn't just feel like a writer, but like a professional writer. It was no longer a question of if I would get published, but when. To quote Kyle Newbridge, a friend who also attended MWW14, “I actually feel like a writer now, instead of just a kid trying to throw words at paper in a pretty way”.

So what is it about this writers conference, or any other, that caused this reaction? 

Conferences give you the opportunity to meet people. Agents and publishers get hundreds and hundreds of queries and manuscripts every month, sometimes every week. Most of the beginning stages of publishing are completely played out through paper. Conferences give you the chance to make connections face to face with authors and agents alike. Networking, networking, networking. Learn to love it and know it and understand it, because a key part of becoming a published author is to not only have a following but to be part of a community of writers. Often this community of writers are the reason you find your way climbing up the publishing ladder in the first place. Where might you find the beginnings of this intimate writing community that you are supposed to be a part of? Well, a writers conference is a good place to start. I met so many amazing people and amazing writers this weekend. I've reached out through blogs and email and twitter to them since and already my writing circles have expanded. Sometimes all it takes is sitting in the right seat or standing in the right line. Exchange a card, have some brief conversation, and you've made a connection. These types of connections are so important because these are the kinds of people that will be with you, helping you through your career as a writer.

This is a place to learn. The people who set these up, guest speak, and work tirelessly to make the conference the best it can, they want you to succeed. I never considered myself someone who was ignorant in the ways of writing, but I can't even put into words all that I learned during those three days. It was almost overwhelming, seeing this whole side to the writing community I really had been ignorant of, and could have remained ignorant of had I not pushed myself to experience it. In the fast-paced media driven world we live in, the stereotype of the reclusive writer doesn't cut it anymore. To sell yourself and your work before you even get picked up by an agent or a publishing company you have to stay open to information and learning everyday. Otherwise you will miss out. At MWW14 there were panels with agents, specific presentations on everything from '7 steps to writing a novel' to the ins and outs of social networking as a professional writer. Just one example of something invaluable that I learned of that weekend was Pitch Wars, a writing competition built to help debuting writers cull their novels and get their name out there. Until MWW I never had a clue this existed. From the moment I got there until the moment I left, I will grew as a writer.

Did I mention opportunity? I'm sure it varies from conference to conference, but some of the insanely cool opportunities that are available to you at MWW for instance include: agent pitch sessions (5 minutes to pitch your novel to an agent and try your hand at getting representation), manuscript evaluations (published professionals critiquing your work to help make you better), query critiques, and more. These are one-on-one set ups where you interact with professionals who will give you the best feedback they can. Each person will get something different from a conference. Myself? In tandem with  the earlier quote, I walked in feeling like an amateur who had written "a long story" of questionable publishability, and came out with a referral to an agent, a request for the first 10 pgs of my mss from yet another agent, and more confidence in my novel than I ever believed I would have. 

So the next time you're planning a trip to meet your favorite celebrity with hopes of winning the best cosplay contest, remember to check out all the different writing conferences across the nation, and the world and nourish the other nerdy side of your brain. Your stories are amazing, so give yourself the extra push so they end up on my bookshelf too. 

- Many thanks to the Midwest Writers for giving me an amazing first experience with writing conferences. I will be back!

I Just Couldn't Get Through It – July

When I was younger I used to think I had to read every book I picked up from beginning to end. Even now I have this urge to push through a novel, no matter how much I dislike it or not. But with a “to read list” that reaches into the hundreds, I had to admit, if I didn't like it I should just stop. However, since I don't review books that I don't finish, that left me with the conundrum. How could I let my readers know? This monthly post is going to be my answer to that question. I will list any books I Just Couldn't Finish and tell why this was. It isn't exactly a review, but it's better than giving a book a 0/5 when I didn't actually finish it.

Midnight Crossroad by Charlaine Harris

I really had high hopes for this novel. I loved her Sookie Stackhouse series and I really wanted to find enjoyment in this series too. However, it was just not the same. The narration, third person omniscient, was hard to get into. The story line and plot start out slow...and stay slow. Nothing really happens. I was almost 60 pages into the book and still I felt like there was no plot. Okay, yes there was a little beginning of something beginning to creep into realization, but it was just kind of uninteresting, enough where I didn't mind not following it to fruition. I'm sure there will be fans who actually do like this book, but I won't be one of them.

Allegiant by Veronica Roth

When I first started this series, I came into it with high expectations, which is always a bad move. I had heard a lot about it, from readers and authors I respected. However, it was overall a disappointment. I found that with Divergent I was taken initially with the world building, but not much else. My interest declined from there. The plot of the second felt sloppy and by the end I was annoyed with the built up tension of a plot reveal that really wasn't that interesting or groundbreaking. (Comments on the first two can be found here and here). When I started Alligeant the first thing I noticed was the plot didn't get any better and the main character was driving me nuts with deluge of negative thoughts about killing her best friend (a misguided plot point if I ever saw one. I mean she made a clear conscious choice to not shoot her enemies to death but then she just shoots her friend in the head? What?) That would have been enough to turn me off of the story, but I began to hear about a general consensus of disappointment for this third installment, and that decided me. I didn't find it worth my time to try and slog through it anymore.

In the After by Demitria Lunetta

Initially I was interested in this story from reading the inside cover: cool post-apocalyptic type story with a government conspiracy type tinge, what's not to love? A lot as it so happens. I got about 40 pages into this book and I was still stuck in exaggerated exposition and flash back. It wasn't even very good exposition either. Rule of thumb, flash backs are bad. Figure out where you want to start the story and then start it there, none of this 'I'm gonna be in the middle of something and then think about something in excruciating detail from start to finish'. The other major problem I had with this story was that it had major plot holes already. Specifically, the creatures that attack the world are described as mindless zombie like things that eat people savagely, but are expected to be smart enough to man a ship that comes to earth? It all felt a little farfetched. If this wasn't enough, it seemed like the author was trying a little too hard to sound YA. In other words, the character sounded young and dumb, and not in a good way. It all added up to me realizing really quickly that this wasn't a book I wanted to read.

So..Just finished City of Heavenly Fire...

and may I just say

HOT DAMN THAT WAS WILD AND HEARTBREAKING AND JUST ASDFGBHNMFNEKJWJF

A probably very verbose review will follow shortly

The dreaded lull

So I was plodding along and I realized that I haven't done much in almost a month! Calamity! Haven't read anything besides fanfiction, haven't written anything but more fanfiction and an unfinished beginning of what has promise to be a pretty epic story.

I'm giving myself a pass on responsibility for the moment, due to life being pretty demanding. Newish job ahead (promotion), more hours, more stress. Plus, I FINISHED MY SECOND NOVEL in April and got engaged in May!!! So I think the rest has been pretty deserved.

What's ahead: some pretty fun and terrifying stuff. Myself and a few writing friends from school are embarking on the epic adventure that is the Midwest Writers Conference. There I will be pitching my novel to agents, sitting through a ton of awesome panels with authors and agents alike, and even submitting my novel for a contest. To say that this is a great opportunity to get myself out there is an understatement, and I am both excited and a little cowed by the whole thing. After the conference I plan to start sending my novel out to agents and publishing houses and seeing if I get any bites. Networking as a new author is so important, and the next step for me is going to tell a lot. No pressure or anything....

My sequel sits in my computer unedited for the time being and I fear that's where it will stay for awhile. I think I need some critical distance from it before I can get back into making it something better than it is.

In the fall I plan to participate in my second attempt at NaNoWriMo and start the next book series I've had in my head, planning and re-planning, for the last 10 years. This is a fun one, another YA, that involves different worlds, people with some insane abilities, and of course a whole lot of misadventure. That's all you guys get for now, but I will probably update more in my novel peeks later ;)

Until next time guys.

The House of Chimes

So I know that I've been in the middle of far too many writing projects to even try starting a new one. But I don't think I'd even know how to do things if I wasn't in the middle of 500 things at once. I just can't let go of good ideas when I am lucky enough to get them.

Though I have been writing other things and working on a few big baddies in the novel-esque department, this one fell into my lap and I am very excited about it.

This will be to date the first children's novel I have ever attempted. YA, adult fiction, and adult non-fiction are all familiar genre's for me. I have not, however, attempted anything of substantial size that was specifically aimed at children. This character just feels twelve years old. There is no getting around it. So I'm not fighting and just seeing what happens.

So far I have fifteen or so pages, some large plot points laid out, and some major character back story and development. It's a lot more than I can say for some of my projects so I am pretty happy.

Story line so far includes a house that runs on an inner clockwork all it's own and is inexplicably alive, a young girl who doesn't listen and refuses to accept the transparent excuses given to her and the other children who live in the house, and a mystery that once discovered can't be forgotten or turned away from.

It's definitely in it's begging stages, but I can't wait to see what happens.

A Modern Re-vamp Re-vamped: My Take on Pride and Prejudice in the 21st Century

                       So as most every one has noticed, the modern day reinterpretation story is very in at this point in time. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries web series modeled as a blog took this by storm, gaining thousands of subscribers and viewers and much notice and acclaim while they were at it. I myself was an avid fan and viewer, watching all 100 of the videos of the series and then following the cast and writers' progress all the way to the Emmy's where they won for the amazing job they all did. Now the team is back at it again with Emma Approved, their next vlog type series based off Jane Austen's Emma.
                     
                        But what exactly is it that they are doing? They are doing what has been done so many times before, but with a twist refreshing and engaging enough that still pulls everyone in and keeps them coming back for more. The LBD project was a definite success. There are of course many similar attempts that don't quite hit the mark.

                       A next big project I've started to work on and want to aim towards is to do as they and many other have before them have done. I want to to take the bare essentials of Austen's Pride and Prejudice and make it a new story, one that works in today's world. I have no idea if I will hit that mark or get anywhere near it. My initial reaction is to say I won't, but I'm trying to just write and not think about that quite yet. If it never makes it any further than the internet, I'm not sure I will even be upset. As I have already mentioned here and here, I believe that writing and the sharing of a story should not be confined merely to the whims of the publishing industry. Nor do I believe that a person should be barred from writing on a story or in a specific world just because another author came up with the original idea. If it worked for Shakespeare, I think that it can work okay for me too. So I'm going to try writing this story my way and see where it leads me.

Tell me what you think of this idea. :)

Beautiful Darkness and the dreaded reading slump

                 True to my word I did indeed go from reading Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl to the next book in the series Beautiful Darkness. I had high hopes that the story would start giving some of the answers that left me wondering as a reader at the end of the last book. However to my disappointment the befuddlement and over-mysterious cloud that Ethan constantly wanders through during these books only becomes more dense and aggravating. Then to my dismay I found myself in the reading slump. Nothing about this book could hold my attention. I have renewed it and renewed it on my card at the library over and over, and still I seem to make barely any head way with the story.

                 Now as reading funks go, it can be hard to tell if it is the particular book you are reading that has caused it, or if it is just one of those times that reading just isn't on the menu, no matter how good the story (at least that's how it goes for me). However, with this book, I'm starting to wonder if it is really the culprit. I am a little over 100 pages into the book and practically nothing has happened, and the communication between characters has become, if anything, even worse. I've become fed up with how little the authors are giving the reader as far as information and the story goes. Until I finish the book I'd have no way of knowing if these problems resolve themselves, but already discouraged the forecast for finishing doesn't look good.  As well as this, the reading slump isn't be so slumpish either. I have been reading. Perhaps not conventional published book reading, but reading nonetheless.

                  All this being said, I've decided to give it a rest. This book is not to be read at this moment. Perhaps I will get back to it later. Perhaps not. We shall see.

Falling onto old analogies, can writing be like a plant?

This has probably been thought of and talked about way too much, and the analogy is definitely worn out, but it still remains: can writing and the writing process be beautiful like unkempt nature?

If a writer, probably an avid reader, with natural talent but no teaching on the subject decided to write, obviously their writing might differ from the strict and confined writing methods of published and academic writing. Does this make it any more right or wrong? 

Can the wild roses of writing still smell as sweet as the perfectly arranged ones on the publishers table? Putting aside the thousands of pieces with bad grammar, flat characters, and horrible plot, among other problems, let's talk about writing that has nothing wrong with it save a deviation from the norm. In the creative writing educational field, it has been my experience that any kind of creative expression that remotely pushes away from tradition is looked down upon and not taken seriously. There is always an overall push for stories to look exactly the same, the same style and put together, the same "genre" *cough* literary fiction *cough*. Anything that doesn't go into these categories is left on the wayside as juvenile or simply not acceptable as pieces to present at college level or beyond. From the very get go one of the first things a writer learns is that if one wants to publish, one conforms to the expectations of the publisher, or one does not get published. 

There are of course those few that make the great break from the rut of today's writing and get something completely new and refreshing out there, but their acceptance into the literary world is few and far between. As most writers are taught, there are countless rules for writing, but you can do anything and write any way you want, as long as you do it well. 

But who decides what is and is not done well other than the self same publishers that demand conformity from the masses of writers who send in their work?

Now I do know that there has to be some way to comb through the slush pile, and editors have to deal with a lot when it comes to the buckets of writing they need to go through to find what works for their magazine or paper or yearly book publication. Sometimes abiding by the "rules" for sending a piece of work in helps you get published simply because it makes it easier on the editor when they come to the five hundredth poem they have been through that day.

Self-publishing on the internet, through ebooks, blogging, and other venues has provided a much needed medium for the writing that would otherwise be disregarded and snubbed in the writing industry. But sometimes I look back on another repeated piece of advice my professors never failed to bring up: to write well you must look to the classics, or even just  your favorites, the people who did it well. I think that this is advice of insurmountable importance. However, if writers look back, those who did it right very rarely seemed to listen to what publishers and the media of their day wanted. Try explaining the delicacies of comma splices and the convoluted sentence to Faulkner, or the nuances of fluency and linear thought process of story telling to Virginia Woolf and other post-modernist or feminist writers. Try explaining copy-write laws to Shakespeare. If writers look back on the greats, we often are confronted with a slew of people who broke all the rules and didn't give a fig if anyone cared. They wrote because it felt right and they needed to, because they had a story to tell, something to say. They also conveniently did it right, or at least someone of their time or after deemed that they did. 

I am in no way bashing the publishing industry or the published writing that fills our bookstores today. The industry of writing serves it's purpose, and there is still many an amazing piece of work that make it through the tough system to the other side. I am however questioning the right of literary critics, teachers, college professors, and even the average literary elitists, who somehow think that nothing is good if it isn't published. And I especially look down on those who even go so far as to condemn published genre fiction. Yes literary fiction is good fiction, no it is not the only good fiction out there. Just because a book is labeled for young adult, or a children's book, or dare I say it fantasy, science fiction, or romance,  does not mean it is unworthy trashy fiction for the masses. Yes, some of it can fall into that category, but that certainly does not mean that all of it does. As far as I am concerned, people who act like this are reading snobs, using literature as just another way to feel superior of others. All I have to say to them is that the door is that way, and they can take their negativity with them. 

I guess in conclusion to this random thought quest I have to say that I have read so much great literature, published and unpublished, genre and literary, classic and modern, fanfiction or otherwise. If someone has a story to tell, they shouldn't let anyone get in the way of telling it. Not the publishing companies, not the readership, and especially not themselves. 

- Alissa Tsaparikos

writing for funsies vs. writing for cereal

So recently I read an amazing fanfiction, Personally, I'd Rather Lick Sand. And when I say fanfiction, I mean a novel length piece of ficition that is a modern day reinterpretation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice but is otherwise completely original an holds its own in the literary  world in my opinion. My immediate reaction was that something this good should be published if possible. It seemed too good to molder away on a fanfiction site when it could reach so many more people if it were really pushed out there. As far as re-vamps of classic literature goes, they are seemingly at the peak of popularity, with the vlog The Lizzie Bennet Diaries sparking this off as of late into an even more irresistible frenzy. This being considered, in the book market of today, a fiction such as this one could make it in the published world if applied properly. However, is it important? Does it really have to be published or is it simply enough for it to be share with the world?

I think it is so very important for people to keep writing, no matter how they do it. Whether it be for fun or for work, based off a T.V. show, or another book, or a movie, as long as they keep doing it and keep sharing it. The publishing industry and copywriters should not own ideas and stories completely. Anyone who argues can take a look at Shakespeare and then see how far he would have gotten without more than a little inspiration. That being said, I guess it is up to the author to decide if they want to write as a career or just because they have to get it out. I really don't know if there is a right or a wrong answer to this. I know if I saw this fiction out on the shelf in a book store I would buy it and read it and love it being on my bookshelf. However, as an idea and piece of writing that is free fanfiction on the internet I still love and respect it, the same as I love AU fanfiction written for Doctor Who, Teen Wolf, or Merlin. And the same as I love the real Pride and Prejudice, or Harry Potter, or any of the other published work out there. They both give me genuine pleasure in reading them, as does anything that is done well. 

Are there any writers out there with thoughts or opinions on the matter? I'm interested. In the meantime, here is a link to the fic: totally worth reading at the way through if you like this kind of story  - http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4656343/1/Personally-I-d-Rather-Lick-Sand